Wonderful painting by my favourite illustrator ever, Ashley Wood.

There are times in life when you can’t stop but ask yourself questions about what you are and wanna be. Those times happen in quite a regular fashion, sometimes every year, sometimes every months, and sometimes they won’t happen for dozen of years. This is a personnal and totally random post — that’s what a blog is for, is it? 

I, as a human being first, and secondly as a designer, feel that I’m perpetually stuck into this identity crisis.
I’m surrounded by people that make strong and bold lifestyle choices, by deliberately dropping off what most people consider “good” alternative choices. I envy them, and their abilitie not to care for tomorrow.  
I was raised by someone who believed that freedom was in the choices you made, and who taught me not to follow the easier paths in life. I did, but still think it wasn’t enough. 
Then, I can’t help but feel insecure about what I’m doing right now.
I always thought that being an art director would be the summum of graphic design. And as far as I can remember, I always wanted to be a graphic designer ( after being an archeologist, and a journalist, and an astrophysician, of course). I thought it would be great to have a creative job, and work for an industry that was glamorous and trendy. I was wrong.
Yet, I feel far from satisfied today. I love graphics, I love art, I love fashion, illustration, architecture, design, photography  and books. They make my heart beat. They are part of myself, because they’re my background culture. 
This morning, when I woke up, the idea stucked me. I don’t like to practice these arts so much as talking about them and watching others doing them.  I never have been happier than in an art shool, watching other people making things happen. Of course, I quite love making things for myself ( otherwise my hands and eyes itches real bad ). But the truth is… I don’t think I’m meant to be a graphic designer.
And as I have actually no clue of what I should be doing, I think I start to see a bit more who I really am — inside the spongious and bloody bits. And if I ever find what was my destiny job, I’ll let you know.  

Take care
Zélia.